I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
