Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
