you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
