Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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