my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
