unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Shame - the story of my life.
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