i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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