ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
