My nipple is on Facebook.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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