dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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