I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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