Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
