Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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