Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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