I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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