Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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