Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
