...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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