You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
