she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
