i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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