cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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