i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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