I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
