everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
