So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
