first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have fence marks all over my body
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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