Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
