Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
