Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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