he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
