Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
