there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
