So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
