I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
