how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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