it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
