Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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