i was born a porn star she said
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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