As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
As shirtless as possible
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
foreskin is a definite game changer
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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