Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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