used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
