I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have feelings that need drinking.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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