similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just found a bag of teeth...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
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we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
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I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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