I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
