how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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