I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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