Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
