DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think I sprained my soul last night
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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