I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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