Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
