it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
