I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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