my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
