I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
