my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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