The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
