I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
