How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
