The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
